One of the most precious gifts in life is a friend who reminds you of who you are when you are lost. A dear friend gave me that a few days ago during a melancholy night when I was a little lost in my head and forlorn. It came in the form of both words and art, a reminder that I am a warrior, that my heart, art, words, and connection to nature are my strengths. She placed my warrior’s sword back in my hand so I could slice through the bullshit and lies coming from the anxiety and depression. 

Adding to the difficulties were a lack of sleep and intense, vivid dreams of people mad at me, hating me, refusing to listen to or acknowledge me, tracking me down, and/or trying to kill me. Night after night after miserable night.

I suspect the dreams are brought on by a medication I restarted a few weeks ago for both anxiety and allergies. However, it’s not lost on me that several of the people frustrating the ever-loving hell out of me in real life have been in my dreams and yes, they were the ones making me miserable. 

I suspect that taking only one dose instead of two will relieve me of the dreams. I tried it one night and it worked. (Hopefully that wasn’t just a coincidence.) And for that, I’m luckier than some who live with these nightmares every night, no matter what. 

Several different medications help control the anxiety, depression, and ADHD that I’ve lived with since I was a child. Because I’m feeling quite stable right now, I do worry a little about cutting a dose. But how much good is an anti-anxiety pill when it’s worsening the anxiety?

Meds are an important part of my mental health care routine; however, being creative is every bit as essential. My 30s taught me that it’s a necessity. Whether it’s painting, drawing, digital art, embroidery, or writing, if I go too long without it, my life fumbles and falters, and I find myself falling down, painful and hard. 

Especially vital to surviving this beautiful, painful, and chaotic thing called life? My kindred spirits, as Anne Shirley would say. Those marvelous, beloved women with whom I have a strong bond. As a shy, introverted, and socially anxious young girl, never did I think that I would find myself with this pack of fierce, loving, generous, supportive women. And that I’m not just with them but am truly one of them? Damn!